You are sooo loved..

You are sooo loved..

It’s Easter, the time that Christians celebrate and are grateful for because of their Jesus who died so that we could be set free from the Law, which is something we could never keep as humans. I don’t generally talk about religion or belief systems in my writing, but I thought I would say something about this today. (Just the way I perceive things, as always.)
I grew up in the Dutch Reformed Church, did my 5 years of Bible study and got gold stars for each exam at the end of each year. When I was 17, I was therefore accepted as a member of the church and made a heartfelt commitment to try to be like the Christ in front of the church members and God.
In later years I discovered that I was gay, and realized that I was no longer welcome in my church. Then other things (life) happened, and I embarked on a different kind of spiritual journey too, studying metaphysics and bits about philosophy etc. I fell in love with humanity because of this journey, and learned to ‘love my neighbor’; for real.
More ‘life’ happened, and as I was learning more about life, my fellow human beings and our journeys as human beings, I came to the conclusion that there is really no difference between the belief system of what Jesus advocated, and those of the Buddha, the God of Islam and many others. To me they all have the same message: Love your Creator and love your fellow human beings and all life (creation) like He loves them. Love with abandoning, enjoy your earthly experience as a human being, and know that He wants only for you to be the best human you can be. And: this has only to do with who you ARE. He is concerned with your heart’s intentions; your soul – no human competition or anything else. All positive belief systems have these components.
As for Christianity, the Bible says in 1 John 4:8 “Whoever does not love does not know God, because GOD IS LOVE.”. 1 Corinthians 13 says “LOVE is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends.” So this is God, if we want to get technical about it. He is Love. And His love never ends, no matter what we do.
So, from my side, a blessed Easter to one and all, and know that, if you love, you are perfect in His (Love’s) eyes. He knows only how to love. He is not like humans.
And.. Namaste.

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Where have we been??

Where have we been??

Where have we been? Where the hell have we been? Our economies have failed us; religion has failed us; our governments have failed us; psychology and meds have failed us. Now, it seems, the planet is failing us. Why? Why is all this happening?
I believe, fellow human beings, that all these things have failed us because we have been absent. We have been leaving everything up to others. We have been doing the absolute minimum, trusting that ‘Someone Else’ would do it. The only problem is.. ‘Someone Else’ got sick of doing everything. Wouldn’t you?
So where are we to go now? What are we to do? Where do we run and who do we ask for answers, direction and the next step – now that ‘Someone Else’ has obviously AWOLed without us noticing?
You know… there is nowhere to run. There is no-one to ask. The world is what it is because we have been wandering around with blindfolds on; just getting through each day. Leaving the big things up to ‘Someone Else’. It is what it is, because we have surrendered our power and been following people and media that we don’t even know, like sheep. It is what it is because we have stopped thinking and believing in ourselves and our own power. And no – it doesn’t matter now. We have made a huge mistake but we are still here. What matters, is what we do from now on. ‘Someone Else is gone’. It is up to us.
It is time to take an interest in ourselves. It is time to straighten our backs, lift our heads, pull our shoulders back and use our voices and legs. It is time to stop paying attention to trivial nonsense (like differences in religious beliefs, income and sexual preferences) and forms of escape like reading fiction and watching soapies and buying what the media says we have to own to ‘fit in’. It is time to stop talking about education as only a form of educating the illiterate. Because let me tell you: the fact that we are where we are on this planet, is crystal clear proof that we are an uneducated bunch and we are all going to die because of our own stupidity.(We can’t blame ‘Someone Else’, remember? SE has run away. For good.)
Get UP, dust yourself off and get educated, humanity. Speak up and ACT.
Stop stressing because you know things are out of control but you’re not sure why. Find out. Vote OUT the weak and unethical leaders. Sign petitions. (Avaaz and Care2; brilliant starts.) Leave the abusive spouse/parent/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend/boss. They have their own journeys and have the right to them, whatever they are – but you are important. Let your voice be heard and your presence be known.
Are we each just a drop in the ocean? Yes! But… the ocean is made up of drops! Yip; we have really gone stupid.
From now on, let’s block your ears. Let’s stop watching and reading gloomy stuff. Let’s get rid of ALL the distractions. Start seeing with new eyes. Stop passing the bucket. SE is gone. I will repeat: SE is GONE. For good.
7 billion people on the planet. 7 BILLION. Imagine 3 billion of us said: “No more. This planet can and will be saved. I will speak up for it; I will defend it; I will stop judging my fellow human beings and I WILL find the things we have in common rather than the things that divide us.” Just 3 billion that will stop being arrogant and judgmental and short-sighted. My, my….
I am involved in humanity. Every single person matters to me. I am no better and no worse than the next person. And I know for a fact I am not the only person who feels like that. There are already millions that are taking a stand. Start paying attention to THAT and you will see.
Don’t let the media and your ‘leaders’ mislead you. Don’t let anyone make you feel worthless or not enough. Creation is beautiful; this planet is astonishingly beautiful. Nothing about it is ugly or has no value. And that includes humanity. It includes you, and the next person. We are not mistakes and we are not inferior as the media, human hierarchy and some religions are trying to tell us we are. We are just as valuable and beautiful as every mountain stream, every river, every flower, every animal, every sunset and every enchanting forest. We were meant to be here. And we were given voices too, just like all of those. Use them without asking for permission. Birds, brooks and thunder don’t ask for permission to BE and to speak. You don’t have to either. So don’t.
Take back the earth, humanity. Take back your voice, your place and your power.
(Reminder: SE is gone. Forever.)

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Any time you cease to cling to yourself you have an access to divine power

Everything is like a boomerang. “Good” and “bad”. Just be you. That is the greatest gift you could give yourself, others and this planet.


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Make money online: for people suffering from PTSD, anxiety, depression, stress

Not having money, or worrying about money continually, is extremely stressful. It drives many people to trying to make money online. Yeah I should know; I am trying to keep my house.
I am going to get straight to the point today: I have found 2 sites where one can actually make money online.
For the first one ( you need to be able to write, be a graphic designer or be good at admin. There is no signup fee. You register for free, complete your profile and start looking for jobs. I have earned hard prayed for money there…
For the second one, you really only have to spend some time online doing a few simple tasks every day, and once you have done that, you can browse around on the site looking for more ways to earn money with the site. This one is called SFI (Strong Future International). Also no sign-up fee for this one, but you really have to study how it works very well, be online every day to do the tasks – and not fall behind.
If you are interested in Elance, just Google it. If you are interested in SFI, go here when you have a number of hours so you can work through your ‘to do list’ and red tabs in one day:

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Let’s put it this way: These are the only two ways that I have found so far, that actually work. If and when I find other ones that really do pay… I will be sure to let you know. And you – you let us know if you know of anything too, OK? That is how we help each other.

Why am I sharing this post? Because so many people suffering from severe stress – anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar etc, are not able to work outside of their homes. I have the same problem. So – that is why I am sharing this.

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Swinging with stress

Swinging with stress.

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Swinging with stress

Swinging with stress

It is very stressful to be stressed out and to also feel that you are not allowed to let it show. And bottling it up… is the very, very worst way to deal with stress.

Fantastic news, hey? Especially since a lot of us have been taught since childhood that one doesn’t ‘make a scene’; ‘men don’t cry’, ‘women are emotionally stronger than men’, the Bible says ‘have faith’ – not ‘let it out and kick and scream’, etc etc etc. And then there is the world we live in: crashing economies, wars, global warming, child slavery and abuse, cruelty to animals, deforestation, poverty…. Ah but we must grin and bear it; we mustn’t ‘perform’. We mustn’t stress. We must have faith and be civil.

Damn right we should try to keep the faith and try to be civil – within limits – but to tell us we shouldn’t stress, is plain stupid. There is a hell of a lot of stuff to stress about. We are only… human. (And no; ‘human’ is NOT a swear word!) To tell us we should be composed at all times even though we are by default like pressure cookers (without the little pressure controllers that allow blowing off steam when needed because of indoctrination, mind you) is more than stupid – it’s ridiculous.

We do need to blow off steam, sometimes. If you are a Christian and you think that you are so filled with the Holy Spirit that you never get angry, I am telling you that you are not in touch with yourself. If you think that you are so spiritual and zen that you never feel frustrated, I am telling you the same. I am telling you that you are lying to yourself – and that, even if it never shows in your actions, your body will show it or it will catch up with you one way or another. (By the way – how healthy are you?)

So now – what do we do? We be true to ourselves, that’s what. We accept that we are human, that we have feelings, that we need to not only accept them but also embrace them – and we start to not only laugh when we are happy, but we cry when we are sad, we let it out when we are cross, we let it out when we are frustrated, we go stand in the rain when we feel like it, we go to a park and hop onto a swing if we feel like it, we have a chocolate when we want one… Life is short. In fact, life is too short to have been put on the planet as a human being – and never be one.

We complain about wars? Well, peace that rests upon fear, is nothing but a suppressed war. Let there not be a war within yourself because you are too scared to be human. Don’t think you can escape being human – you can’t.

So stuff stress, anxiety, PTSD, depression and the whole lot. Start being who you are and were always meant to be: human. And not only that… the individual you were meant to be.

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Anger and stress, anxiety, depression and PTSD


I guess we all know the song: “I don’t know but I’ve been told..”. Used in the army etc; that one? Well – so we have been told that we should not get angry. And if you DO get angry, at least feel guilty about it. Because then… then you’ll be in the upper emotional class. 🙂 You will at the very least be on your way to join the league of the likes of Mother Theresa, Neale Donald Walsch, the Buddha, Jesus Christ… no hold on; Jesus DID get angry! Are we all officially confused now? Good! Sometimes that is a brilliant starting point.

You know – it’s all rubbish. It’s a myth that humans can avoid getting angry. Animals get angry!? Ever seen dogs or cats fighting??? Gosh, they can let it all out, hey? Your cat or dog comes home with clumps of hair missing, torn ears, limping and the works! I betcha it takes it slowly for the next couple of days for the body to recover, sometimes. But definitely not out of feelings of guilt!

So now… why are WE expected to not get angry or to at least not show it when we are – AND to feel guilty about it too? Bit of a tall order, I’d say… (But – a very successful recipe if you want to suffer with all sorts of emotional and physical conditions and dis-eases like fibromyalgia, anxiety, angina, depression, PTSD, cancer, heart disease etc. If that is the league you are aspiring to, well…. maybe you should talk to someone. No – scrap that. Definitely go talk to someone.)

On Sunday I did something I had never done before. I am slow to anger, and was raised with thoughts like “Oh my child; remember the Bible says to turn the other cheek”. To be respectful, know my place, not cause a scene – you know the story. But on Sunday I was at breaking point. I went into my kitchen, and I threw a bunch of plates broken on the floor. Yip! A first – but do you have ANY idea how deliberating it was? The NOISE… I LOVED the noise it made. Yes I did hear the little voices saying “you worked your arse off for this stuff”; “what if someone hears you?”; “this is not the way to do it” etc etc etc. Still – I couldn’t stop. I felt better with every.. single.. one.. that I threw broken on the floor.

The next day good friends came to take me to a doctor for an appointment which had been made long ago. I had forgotten about the broken plates all over the kitchen floor. My one friend asked “What happened to your kitchen??” His wife responded: “Retha happened to the kitchen, that’s what happened to the kitchen”. He made no fuss; just smiled.

I was obsessing about my ‘unacceptable’ behaviour all day at the hospital. My friend Alfreda said to me: “Those are worldly goods. And when one feels, something, you should FEEL it – and let it out”. Two short sentences that changed my view and my life, I think. She is in the league of Brandon Bays and all the others who know (as I knew but couldn’t practice before) that negative emotions are not to be suppressed. You see – trauma and cropped up feelings go and settle in your cells – and will make you ill (and old before your time) too.

So here is what I’ve learnt: let it out. It is not fair to let it out on the wrong people, or to hurt others through your own anger. (Too often we let it out on the wrong people, anyway.) But do let it out. I would not advise breaking plates (too much cleaning up afterward and expensive) but find out what works for you. Screaming into a pillow doesn’t work for me. I think one needs to be able to ‘move it, MOVE it’ (as the song says) when you are letting out anger. So perhaps buy a whip (or make one) and hit the hell out of a chair or another piece of furniture you don’t use anymore. (Oh and please use something flexible.. someone I know used a stick and it sent shock waves through the elbows etc. The idea is not to cause yourself bodily harm; it is to release the body of harmful hormones and other sh!t in the cells!)

So ‘I don’t know but I’ve been told..’ a load of hogwash re anger. 🙂 My personal opinion is – stuff stress. Develop a real ‘bad attitude’ toward it (and the ones causing stress in your life). Be true to yourself and your feelings.

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What a wondrous and majestic home we are all so blessed to share

Isn’t it really just amazing grace? How can we feel done in when we are living on such a spectacular planet?


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Where are you in your life dance?

Where are you in your life dance?

I have been living a musical life – just like everyone else. Have sung life in ultra soprano and ultra base notes; flats; majors and minors; allegros and andantes – the whole concerto caboodle. 🙂 I have played every possible life musical instrument that exists too: rock guitar; harp; castanets; African drums; jazz piano – you name it. I have danced every possible life dance: the twist; the salsa; the two-step; gumboot.
One dance I have sucked at: line-dancing (not a good follower). 🙂
And then… the stage crashed. The floor disappeared. I fell without knowing I was falling. Into a space where there was no music. No sound. No musical instruments. No movement. Just.. Nothingness. Deep.. ever-sinking.. pitch black.. motionless.. dead still.. total, merciless darkness..
And the Stumble Dance began. The dance Back to Life. The unfamiliar; never-considered; unexpected Baby Steps Dance. The Just-one-foot-in-front-of-the-Other Dance. The Robotic dance. The Mimicking Dance. An automated dance..
I could do nothing but listen. Then I started practicing. And Life started singing in a different voice – mine. It started presenting new musical instruments: custom made for me by me. I would hesitatingly sing – and Life would echo back a beautiful, angelic chorus. I started dancing again. To a new beat. The beat of my own heart.
And now??
Now I am rooted deep into the warm earth; anchored high up in the cool heavens; held up sideways into infinity by an unseen, calm Force. I am home on this earth. Me.
I have actually only just arrived. I have only just been born.
What does the future hold? I don’t know. Just like everybody else. But I know this: whatever dance it is… I will be able to dance it. And I know this too: I am not here alone, and I have not been taught those dances, instruments and vocals for nothing. So I am reaching out to down below and up above.. but also to the sides to take the hands of whoever would like to take mine. I will lead; I will follow; I will walk beside you. But none of us is really alone, and none of us needs to be.
Take my hand, whether you want to do it as a follower of/contributor to my blog or as someone who wants to allow me to help you with writing.
I am here.

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Laugh a little!

Laugh a little!

This is funny and I had a good giggle when I saw it! However – I am sharing this for another reason too.
We have to remember that we are human. There is only so much we can be, do or handle. I believe that, when we feel so overwhelmed or anxious that we feel we can’t move – that is EXACTLY what we should do: not move.
When this happens, be still. Be still and listen – to your heartbeat, the sounds around you, your thoughts – the silence, even. Be still… and you will find the answers.
There are lessons to be learnt through anxiety, depression and insomnia. But first.. you have to be still.

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