I guess we all know the song: “I don’t know but I’ve been told..”. Used in the army etc; that one? Well – so we have been told that we should not get angry. And if you DO get angry, at least feel guilty about it. Because then… then you’ll be in the upper emotional class. 🙂 You will at the very least be on your way to join the league of the likes of Mother Theresa, Neale Donald Walsch, the Buddha, Jesus Christ… no hold on; Jesus DID get angry! Are we all officially confused now? Good! Sometimes that is a brilliant starting point.
You know – it’s all rubbish. It’s a myth that humans can avoid getting angry. Animals get angry!? Ever seen dogs or cats fighting??? Gosh, they can let it all out, hey? Your cat or dog comes home with clumps of hair missing, torn ears, limping and the works! I betcha it takes it slowly for the next couple of days for the body to recover, sometimes. But definitely not out of feelings of guilt!
So now… why are WE expected to not get angry or to at least not show it when we are – AND to feel guilty about it too? Bit of a tall order, I’d say… (But – a very successful recipe if you want to suffer with all sorts of emotional and physical conditions and dis-eases like fibromyalgia, anxiety, angina, depression, PTSD, cancer, heart disease etc. If that is the league you are aspiring to, well…. maybe you should talk to someone. No – scrap that. Definitely go talk to someone.)
On Sunday I did something I had never done before. I am slow to anger, and was raised with thoughts like “Oh my child; remember the Bible says to turn the other cheek”. To be respectful, know my place, not cause a scene – you know the story. But on Sunday I was at breaking point. I went into my kitchen, and I threw a bunch of plates broken on the floor. Yip! A first – but do you have ANY idea how deliberating it was? The NOISE… I LOVED the noise it made. Yes I did hear the little voices saying “you worked your arse off for this stuff”; “what if someone hears you?”; “this is not the way to do it” etc etc etc. Still – I couldn’t stop. I felt better with every.. single.. one.. that I threw broken on the floor.
The next day good friends came to take me to a doctor for an appointment which had been made long ago. I had forgotten about the broken plates all over the kitchen floor. My one friend asked “What happened to your kitchen??” His wife responded: “Retha happened to the kitchen, that’s what happened to the kitchen”. He made no fuss; just smiled.
I was obsessing about my ‘unacceptable’ behaviour all day at the hospital. My friend Alfreda said to me: “Those are worldly goods. And when one feels, something, you should FEEL it – and let it out”. Two short sentences that changed my view and my life, I think. She is in the league of Brandon Bays and all the others who know (as I knew but couldn’t practice before) that negative emotions are not to be suppressed. You see – trauma and cropped up feelings go and settle in your cells – and will make you ill (and old before your time) too.
So here is what I’ve learnt: let it out. It is not fair to let it out on the wrong people, or to hurt others through your own anger. (Too often we let it out on the wrong people, anyway.) But do let it out. I would not advise breaking plates (too much cleaning up afterward and expensive) but find out what works for you. Screaming into a pillow doesn’t work for me. I think one needs to be able to ‘move it, MOVE it’ (as the song says) when you are letting out anger. So perhaps buy a whip (or make one) and hit the hell out of a chair or another piece of furniture you don’t use anymore. (Oh and please use something flexible.. someone I know used a stick and it sent shock waves through the elbows etc. The idea is not to cause yourself bodily harm; it is to release the body of harmful hormones and other sh!t in the cells!)
So ‘I don’t know but I’ve been told..’ a load of hogwash re anger. 🙂 My personal opinion is – stuff stress. Develop a real ‘bad attitude’ toward it (and the ones causing stress in your life). Be true to yourself and your feelings.